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13.2.20

LOVE'S DAY OUT

Valentines day is here. Almost everyone  from young couples, singles, men and women of all ages are excited about this day. There are some who celebrate it directly and those who watch and read about how others celebrate it. We are all touched by it in our lives. Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp are filled with videos, msgs, quotes, memes that celebrate this day of love. 

  While I love the excuse to celebrate everything in life. I have witnessed men and women celebrate valentines day with aplomb when they are seeing each other, and after they have seen enough of each other ( read marriage), they celebrate it with a forced or a routine approach. The usual scenario is women have expectations, men know they have to live upto those. There is a element of obligation and forced gestures for the same occasion. 

 Young love that is about care and concern and fretting over the smallest of details gradually becomes less and less about that and more and more about the larger things in life : the more important ones.  (Or so they say.) To a large extent that is true. Life demands of us, what romance cannot always suffice. So I am wondering what valentines day should really mean for those who have Been There Done That? Perhaps like a annual health check up. It could be a day for Annual Heart and Emotions check up. For those who have been together around, gifts and cards , flowers and dinners are welcomed. But what would really stir up the real love and mean something?

Over a period of time, love becomes less and less careful and more and more indifferent. Smallest details that make us feel loved. Gestures that remind us that we matter to someone. And acts that show us how our presence makes a difference to someone are easily taken for granted or forgotten. I say those caring actions are the real Avengers of our personal life. They fight against the evils of boredom, apathy and distance between two people. Someone said the opposite of love is not hate , but indifference. How many of you have felt uncared for ? Forgotten ? And neglected within relationships?  Despite the fact, that you know your partners love you.  And you believe that they just don’t have the time or don’t care about you in the same small ways. A big fat gift, a lavish dinner, a fragrant bouquet, a perfume on valentines day cannot really warm the heart for more than a day. Its the small gestures, the everyday care. The daily acts. The thoughts that we think and express and how, to our loved ones, that makes each day, a day of love. Love is Care in Action. If you love, you show care in your words, in your actions, in your tone. A child understands love only in the way you care for him/her. Your words, your tone, you actions tell him how you feel everyday. Partners are no different. Perhaps thats why there is no need for a love day for children. Only partners need this day as a reminder.

Having said that,  Valentines Day can be a day to make resolutions for yourself, as a person, as a partner and work on it each day for the rest of the year. And who said resolutions cannot be made over wine, dinner and loving company !!

Happy Loving !



31.10.19

Family

Someone once told me ,that you have a small story by itself in the acknowledgements of your book. So many names and people you have thanked other than your family. Why is that so ? 

And it made me think. Its true that the list was long and the people I thanked were from all parts of the world and very few were related to me by blood.But its because of the impact they had on my life and the contribution they made in my becoming. Deep and fulfilling.

It also made me wonder, why is the term family not all encompassing? Why does everybody else who matters and who has added value to our life not family? And not suppose to be as important. The saying blood is thicker than water holds true most of the time. But for most part of our lives we need to intake water more than blood. In the sense that we spend a lot of our adult lives interacting, needing, collaborating with others outside of our family. Right from school to our adult life. And then we fall in love and marry and make water blood! Basically marry someone whose outside of the bloodline. There goes your water and blood ratio! So this whole business of whose nearer and whose more important based on blood and water instantly becomes untrue. Because every family is created with blood and water. Insiders and outsiders. 


Perhaps common surnames and shared finances play an instrumental role in defining what is family. For me a sense of family is not defined by who falls under the same name clan, but perhaps who feels like your own. To me the world is a better place because I know the family I call my own is not defined by these norms, but guided by the heart!

15.10.19

Maid & Madame

Every morning my door bell rings at 8am and I am greeted ‘Goodmorning’ by a pleasant smiling face, with kohl lined eyes, a fragrant flower tucked neatly behind the ear, and lots of colours. For those imagining already, thats my maid I am talking about.A lady thoroughly interested in the art of looking good. The grime hard work that follows doesn’t deter her from dressing up everyday. She is dedicated to herself as much as she is to her duties. A combination I find very inspiring in a woman.

How many men and women do we know who will take the effort to dress up if they have to go and buy groceries? Or even go for a walk? Some of us are so faithful to our pyjamas that we don’t mind buying grocery in them either. We will only take an effort to look good if someone’s watching us. Or rather a lot of people are watching us. 

Why do we dress to impress others only? Why don’t we enjoy looking good for our own eyes? It’s perhaps rooted in our belief where we value what others think about us more than what we think of ourselves. Thats why if no one worthy is watching us. Then we make no efforts.

Culturally also, you may have noticed in the case of women.  Widowed women dress differently. It only matters when HE is looking. Why doesn’t the person in the mirror matter equally?Why don’t we look good for ourselves? For our approval ? For our aesthetics? Why does it have to be  for somebody? For a person, a crowd or a happening place?

A healthy body image is what we think of ourselves than what others think of us. It doesn’t matter whether you are a maid or a madam. It doesn’t matter what work you do. What matters is how you like to review yourself.  With your own eyes or through someone else’s. 


A pleasant reflection is always welcome! 

31.1.19

TOMORROW

We are made of memories and dreams. Aspirations and disappointments.
 And often when I sit beside a loved one. I wonder how many more memories will we have the chance to make? How many more disappointments are in store?
What will be the sum total of our experiences together ? And as I sit there wondering about the uncertainty of our lives, I hear a chuckle. The laughter of my loved ones permeates through my grave thoughts. Reminding me life is in the Now. At this moment. I can save this as a memory file or a disappointment file. It’s upon me how I fill up this hard disk of my life. Not that I get to take it with me anyway. 

This uncertainty of our life demands us to be the best of versions of ourselves at each moment. Living wholeheartedly, wholesomely. Leaving no pleasantness for tomorrow. What  If tomorrow never comes…

And as I sit there trying to collect all my energies to give my best to my best people. I see how difficult it is to do that. To accept the reality that tomorrow is not promised. It’s excruciatingly challenging emotionally to begin living ,caring and loving like it’s the last time. Perhaps that’s also the first time we really learn to live and love like we are suppose to. :)

So if you are reading this, and a loved one is around you. Don’t waste time worrying about tomorrow and waste Now,  Smile at them. Give them your warmest , kindest and finest version of yourself. And make a memory that both of you can save in your hard drives as the life you lived. Full of memories that define you.

Love and light.